Thursday, August 30, 2007

"No Subject" Emails Should Always Be Approached with Caution

At least once a day, I get an email from Bee. This morning, I got an email that had me snorting (I couldn't laugh out loud because it's my week to person the reception desk and I have to maintain a certain decorum.)

Let me back up, though, and explain why today's email from Bee is particularly worthy of mention. A couple of weeks ago, I got a catalog in the mail. That's right. Me. I got a catalog. I know? Bizarre, huh? Okay, I'll stop with the dripping sarcasm aimed at the paper industry and retailers and their systematic annihilation of the world's forests. So, I got a catalog from a company called LTD Commodities. It's one of those general store-type catalogs that carries things that have no useful purpose but to clutter your house with more crap Made In China.

This catalog was special, though, because it had a dog water bowl in it I just had to get. It's a pet bowl in the shape of a toilet! How classic is that? So, I ordered one for my parents' dog (this was before the whole brouhaha you read about in the previous post.) Said toilet bowl arrived in the mail yesterday. I opened it, had a good laugh, and then set it aside.

Today, this is the email I got from Bee:

Date: August 29, 2007

There's a toilet on the dining room table....

Maybe this is one of those "you had to be there" moments, but I died!

P.S. I accidentally ordered two of them. Bee wants to take the second one and either put brown M&Ms in it or unwrapped Tootsie Rolls. She says she almost made soup for dinner tonight and served it in these! Could you imagine a dinner party with these as the serving dishes? Hee hee hee.


Cele said...

That would be one hell of a dinner party. Is that why they are called turines? I know it's tureens, honest.

J.M. Tewkesbury said...

Like "latrines"? That's good, Cele! Very good! It would be one fun dinner party, wouldn't it? And if people didn't like their food, they'd be inspired as to where they could put it! Ha ha ha.

Anonymous said...

Oh, I love the dinner party idea. If you won't do it, I will!

ME said...

Hysterically bucksnorting with laughter at the idea of serving food in the dog dish/toilet. I'm game--as long as it's not chili.

Di said...

Dude, you HAVE to bring us one of those!! It's hilarious! I love Bee, she is feckin funny.

Liz said...

I can see the dinner party invitation now:

"You're invited to a dinner party! No shit! Come eat with us and don't let the evening go to waste."

J.M. Tewkesbury said...

JA, ME, and Di: At our next Scaries get together, we'll use these as our dishes. I'll have to order more. Where/how does one store a 12-piece place setting of these?? And Di, I'll hold onto the other one for you and your sainted dogs!

Liz: Excellent! You're invited to that dinner party, for sure!

Sideon said...

Tootsie rolls???


Would you mind forwarding the catalog name/address? I see a new dog dish in our future, here.


J.M. Tewkesbury said...

Sid: Go back to the post. I've embedded a link to the dog dish in the third paragraph in the words "it's a pet bowl in the shape of a toilet."

xo - JayEmTee

Sister Mary Lisa said...

This is my new favorite post. A few thoughts:

1. Cele meant, I think, tURINES. I may be wrong. It's way funny either way.

2. I think I love Liz. How classic that invite idea is! Perfection. You could even add "We're all flushed with excitement!"

3. Instead of napkins at said party, I'd place rolls of toilet paper around the table. Or paper towel rolls sawed in half to resemble TP.

4. ME, CHILI?! Eeew, that's hilariously disgusting. I'd do it for that reason alone.

5. You could gift cans of air fresheners as party favors.

6. You could unwrap fun sized Baby Ruths and leave them lying around just for the shock value and to stick with the theme.

This is so damn funny. You must keep the toilets for yourself, and throw this Party Of A Lifetime. Classic.

Love it.

Sister Mary Lisa said...

And perhaps a candy dish of after-dinner tums would be funny too at the party.

J.M. Tewkesbury said...

SML: Turines... Urine... Boy, I'm a dolt. Sorry about that Cele!

I think we're going to have to start a Mutual Love of Liz group around here. Next dinner party I have, I think she's getting an invite. HEY LIZ! Next dinner party, you're invited!

I like the idea of providing t.p. as the medium for napkins! That's perfect. Of course, that does beg the question: should it be Charmin or Seventh Generation? Kill a tree? Get a rash? Kill a tree? Get a rash? That's a toughy.

OKAY: EVERYONE WHO COMMENTED HERE, you're all invited to dinner at my place. How's next Saturday lookin'? (I wonder if I can get enough toilets by then?)

Terri@SteelMagnolia said...

That is soo cute...
I want one! My dog is always trying to get the lid to the toilet up!!!

Hey... my walls inside my house are yellow, with white blinds, white crown molding/floorboards and and maple hardwood floors! I love it... it's sooo bright and cheery.

Terri@SteelMagnolia said...

I meant to say ... the walls inside my house....


Anonymous said...


That stuff leaves lint like nobody's business, plus it's scented, which is not good if you're going to be using it in conjunction with food (or otherwise--yick). We're strictly an MD household.

J.M. Tewkesbury said...

JA: No worries. Charmin is verboten in this house, simply because the amount of virgin fiber that has to go into it is criminal. All those lovely, lovely trees being flushed down the toilet.... Can't abide it.

I think we'll just use Kirkland t.p. for napkins...

Okay, so now I need a menu. Chili? Spaghetti?

I think for a beverage, I'll serve lemonade or a nice chardonnay.

Dessert could be chocolate anything or pineapple upside down cake (that always looks so undignified as far as cakes go) or heaping oatmeal cookies with lots of chunky stuff in 'em like raisins or chocolate chips...

Getting back to the main entree, though... any other suggestions?

Sister Mary Lisa said...

If you do spaghetti, the meatballs need to be longish. Or is that "loggish"?? Hee hee.

I crack me up.

ME said...

I think the main dish should be Pot Pies. ;) Bwah ha ha ha! Or Chili con corne.

Have a lemonade fountain for beverages and a chocolate fountain for dessert. Bonus points to whoever's choco-dipped dessert looks most turdlike. Chopped nuts should do the trick.

Gawd, I wanna come to this party!! Can it be this year's Twist of Brunch? Pretty please?