Saturday, March 8, 2008

Things You'll Never See on a Bumper Sticker or T-Shirt

There was a time
when I could cough

without farting...

when I laugh too hard,

I pee a little in my pants...

The Accidental Snot Bubble:
Oh So Sexy!
And Not Just for Toddlers Anymore!!

Prevent Nausea:
Eat More Bananas!

If I bitch and moan
one more time
about how crappy I feel
I'm going to shoot me...

Daylight Saving Time:
Further evidence the government is in control

If you could write a t-shirt or bumper sticker, what would it say?


LG said...

Thank you for listing it as Daylight Saving Time instead of Daylight SavingS Time.

Brought to you by your local OCDish/grammar stickler LG.

Phoenix Touch said...


MY t-shirt would say...

You know you are an adult when you laugh hard, pee youself because of laughing hard and then laugh at that.

Cele said...

I love these. My T-shirt would say...

I've got my bitch on

Anonymous said...

Well, why won't we see this on T-shirts and bumper stickers? I've seen worse :)

- Phoebe

hm-uk said...

here's mine:

"Yes, it was me who just farted"

hm-uk said...

Here's my bumper sticker:

"If you find this car at the bottom of a cliff just know that I've been meaning to do this for a while, now."

Seriously, I hope they never print that one. Seriously, I hope I haven't really offended anyone.

Jess said...

I got a bumper sticker when I was 10 that read, "The road to hell is paved with Republicans." My father was delighted.

J.M. Tewkesbury said...

LG: Took lots of practice, but I've finally got it down.

Abgue: Excellent! Can you imagine the looks of horror on young people's faces when they realize that's what they have to look forward to?

Cele: LMAO! I want one!

Phoebe: I suppose there's no valid reason why these shouldn't be bumper stickers or t-shirts. Perhaps I should start a line at CafePress...

HM: Lovely! I'd be the one wearing the first t-shirt. As for the bumper sticker, oy. Though it would make people pause and think, wouldn't it? (P.S. Not offended, FYI. But, should I be worried?)

Jess: Excellent! I'd pay real money for that sticker.

Phoenix Touch said...

I am thinking you are TOTALLY on to something, Jay! As we can see from the selection that we wise ones have come up with here, there are a lot of smart asses out there willing to pay good money to advertise that they ARE smart asses!!! I say, "Go for it! Set up that account at CafePress!!!" And let me know when so I can start ordering inventory!!! tee-hee-hee

ME said...

My favorite bumper sticker is: God favors no groups. Only religions do that.

I haven't had the ovaries to put it on my car, though. I can imagine how that would go over in the church parking lot. I do need to get and apply a No Border Wall sticker.

I'm curious: what was the genesis of the accidental snot bubble bumper sticker? Heh, heh.

j.m. tewkesbury said...

Abgue: I just might! I'll let you know if I do.

ME: The genesis for the snot bubble sticker was an errant snot bubble. Nothing like being almost 40, sitting at your desk breathing in and out and on exhale you make a bubble. If that doesn't make you feel young and carefree again, I don't know what does! ;-)

And, if Carolyn Pearson can have a bumper sticker on her car that says "Women are People, too", you can have your sticker.