Wanna know how to quiet a cat without actually killing it? Here's a recipe.
Buy some fresh fish. Any fish or small crustacean will do--salmon, halibut, some shrimp. Whatever. Plan a menu around it. Baked potatoes, steamed zucchini, sauteed spinach, risotto. Again, whatever. Make yourself a plate and sit down to eat.
When the cat comes around begging for morsels from your plate, share some fish with him. About an hour after you've eaten, check on the cat. He'll be passed out on the bed and he won't move for a good three or four hours.
Doesn't take much. Couple of tablespoons.
I don't know why, but seeing the Dirty Bastard Cat hung over from fish consumption makes my heart gleeful.
Evil, aren't I? (Or, as my cousin, Arlene's oldest daughter says, "Amn't I?" Yeah, that!)
Or, to quote Wicked H: "Muhahahahahahaha..."