This Town Needs an Enema...

...Or Big Wheel Races like San Francisco.

Seriously. Check this out.

Alliteration 2007

Last year, I wrote this post using alliteration as the grammar style for telling a fictional holiday party story. Here is this year's alliterative offering.

* * * * *

As Astrid sat askew in her Aston-Martin, she noticed Belinda bobbing along the boardwalk looking catty and coy. Curious, she crept from her car and divulged to the doorman at the department store that she was egregiously erroneous in her earlier efforts to find out what kind of fiddle-faddle Belinda had going on with Fiona. Or was it Frank? "Oh folly," she thought as she found herself standing in front of Friedman's Finery and Fedoras for the Feminine and fought to forget the gorgeous gown their gal pal Georgina had glimmered and glammed in at that gathering of godly whores handing out horehounds to homeless hobos and henchmen at the corner of Islington and Eye Streets in Inglewood over the Ides of Isis.

Justifiably jocular and jovial jurists in jaunty jacquard jackets keep careening into kiosks of candles and condiments meant for moments of mirth and merrymaking. Astrid nudged around them, narrowly kneeing the nincompoops in the nuts. Over on Olmstead, Belinda poked and prodded among posh products with prices positively quoted and quantifiable only to the well-coiffed. Inquiring was considered "quaint" and she resisted. Returning to swanky Ralstonshire Row with its richly-appointed rowhouses, redundant rose redoubts, and upscale-retail-resalers, she saw Astrid sneaking not-so-stealthily between shops of stargazer lilies and mannequins in sweater sets.

Taking a turn toward Tewkesbury, Belinda ran smack on into the arms of Fiona (or was it Frank? She could never tell), tossing all her taciturn and tawdry seasonal sentiments and sappiness straight out the side street with a scream. Fiona Frank yelled, "Darlink! You look mahvelous!" Belinda exhaled and expeditiously exclaimed, "Excellent! Hail Zeus!" Yielding to yuletide yearnings of yore, Astrid broke off pursuit only to be zapped by a zephyr and denuded to reveal a zippy zebra ensemble fit for a zoologist.

The End.

* * * * *

Eh. I think last year's was definitely better...

House/Home

Most of us live in residential dwellings of various types. In order to make it a home, you need one of these:



Not sure this has anything to do with Christmas, but since I'm still flummoxed about what to get the sibs for Christmas, I thought I'd offer a little shopping-free stress relief. At the very least, this should remind you how to smile after fighting the hoary masses... Or, after endlessly noodling what the hell to give as gifts... Topped off with a dose of figuring out the meaning of your life...

I think I think too much. What do you think?

Photo copyright: D.C. Confidential, 12/07

Indignant

The other day, my friend ME lamented the fact that it took years to achieve recognition for things like Breast Cancer Awareness or Martin Luther King, Jr., Day or World AIDS Day, but a cyber-event like "National Blog Posting Month" only took a few months to catch on.

Being the resourceful person I am, I Boogled* "National Months" or something similar and found a link to a site that lists just about every known monthly, weekly, and daily observance to be found anywhere in the world. There's some pretty interesting stuff in those lists. For example, National Raisin Bread Month. Or International Twit Award Month. If you like peanut butter, there's a month for you. Need an excuse to be regular? Try Prune Breakfast Month or Dried Plum Breakfast Month (not sure what the difference is there, but I'm sure it involves a schism in the world of plum growers and driers.)

Maybe you're a klepto with a penchant for shopping carts and you'd like to redeem yourself? If so, Return Shopping Carts to the Supermarket Month is for you. For culinary snobs and aficionados of gelato, there's National Artisan Gelato Month. Then there are the obvious and better publicized months like Gay & Lesbian Pride Month, Hispanic Heritage Month, African-American History Month, and National AIDS Awareness Month, to name but four.

My personal favorites are National Noodle Month, Mom & Apple Pie Month, National Popcorn Poppin' Month, and Read a New Book Month.

Oh, and in case you were wondering, November is National Moral Indignation Month!


*Boogle, Boogling, Boogled: Taking a bunch of letters and typing them into comprehensible words in the Google search page in an effort to find information. The word is a combination of Boggle and Google. Origin: Me and a mix of my tongue trying to say Boggle and Google at the same time, resulting in Boogle.

Photo copyright: HedWeb