Sidebar: I had no idea Flat Stanley was such a phenomenon. It was like we were traveling with a minor celebrity. At one point, a whole touristing family, seeing us with Flat Stanley, cried out, "Flat Stanley! Hey, did you see their Flat Stanley? Remember how we took our Flat Stanley to New York City?" Who knew?
As the day was so generously gorgeous--bright blue skies, warm temps, cool breezes, zilch humidity (what is this? Fall?!)--bajillions of people were out and about. People in kickball leagues, kite fliers, families with little ones, and that ever ubiquitous, migratory, seasonal creature: the tourist. You know the species I'm talking about right? Dopey-eyed, rubbernecking, money-spending tourists. Those ones.
Honestly overheard: Standing at the top of the steps of the Lincoln Memorial looking east, which features a prominent view of the World War II Memorial, the Washington Monument, and the U.S. Capitol. Following is an exact quote:
Tourist woman to member of her tourist party, presumably a family member: "Oh honey, look!" Everyone in her party cranes their head eastward as she points. "Be sure to get a picture of the White House."
Sidebar: I want to get a Nerf bat to carry with me when I'm down on/near the Mall. When tourists say stupid shit like this, I want to hit 'em in the head.
Attention tourists: Before you visit a city--any city--do your friggin' homework! And if you can't be considerate enough to do it for whatever city you're visiting, please, for the love of all that is historically holy, at least do it for this city, especially if you're a citizen of this country. It's embarrassing and you look stupid when you can't tell the difference between the White House and the U.S. Capitol.
Visual aid: In case you're still unclear on which is which, here are a few pictures of each, so you'll be able to tell going forward. (Click on images to enlarge.)
On the left: The White House. Where the President of the United States lives and works. Contrary to popular stupidity, err, belief, you cannot see it from the Lincoln Memorial. On the right: The U.S. Capitol. You can see it from the Lincoln Memorial.
A Guide to What You're Seeing When You Stand on the Steps of the Lincoln Memorial and Look East:The Reflecting Pool, the National World War II Memorial, the Washington Monument, the Smithsonian Castle, the U.S. Capitol, and the Library of Congress.
Click image to enlarge and read the Post-it Note-like-thingies.
Okay, site location lecture over. Moving on...
*****
My true purpose for today's entry, and the meaning of my title, is this: after taking pictures of Flat Stanley on the Mall and at a number of the Stan Embassies (Pakistan, Afghanistan, Uzbekistan, Kazakhstan, Turkmenistan, etc., for those tourists among you who not only failed U.S. history, but world geography, too), the EcoFellow, Sister NoMo, and I headed uphill to D.C.'s next-best-thing: Target!
Target would be the scene of the crime.
Scene: Three friends walking past the women's accessories on their way to the check out.
Sister NoMo: (teasing) Hey, Jay, do you want an ugly handbag for your birthday?
Jay: (sarcastically) Yeah, right. I need an ugly handbag like I need a hole in the head.
Jay (that's me) no sooner has the words out of her mouth than she looks up from her wallet where she's been extracting her credit card in preparation for payment and sees a young, male Target employee with a shaved head. On the side of his head, a clear bandage covering what appears to be a serious head wound, i.e. a hole in his head. The customer in front of Jay turns and glares at Jay, then shakes her head in disgust.
EcoFellow: I think we'll go stand over here.
EcoFellow and Sister NoMo exit toward stage left, separating themselves from Jay.
Did I mention it was a gorgeous day?
Photo copyright: D.C. Confidential/Janet M. Kincaid
