Minutes of the Tewkesbury Ward
Bishop Aitch, Communing
The meeting was briefly called to order at 9:39 a.m. on January 16, 2007.
Bishop Aitch outlined her vision for the Tewkesbury Ward (hereafter referred as "the ward.") As there were several actionable items, these will be reported last.
The following individuals have selected the following callings and/or roles for themselves within the ward:
Sister Mary Lisa, Gospel Essentials Instructor (see the comments from the previous post for an outline of this year's curriculum)
NG, Programs-at-the-Door Hander-Outer
Jess, Very Important Pew Person
Wicked H, Choir Member and Choir Director
Lolatini, Happy Hour Coordinator and Hoop Goddess
Phoebe, Custodian of the Holy Damn Cat and Monthly Sermonizer; also officially designated Habitually Late Attender.
Jay Em Tee, Hall Roamer and The Holy Goat
ME, Leader of the Brunch, Booze, and Books Book Group; Young Women's Critical Thinking Development Advisor, and Girl's Camp Denizen; also Alto in the Choir
Cele, Partaker of the Chocolate Massages and Krispy Kremes being offered in Sister Mary Lisa's Gospel Essentials Class and Alto in the Choir
Di, Colorful Crazy Person and Keeper of the New Order Fashion; also occasional host of the ward knitting group, Stitch 'n Bitch, as well as Game Night Coordinator
Lucy, Ward Organist
Bee, Director of Comedy and Host of the Buddhist Meditation Open-Mike Nights
Abgue, Director of Transformative and Healing Touch and Leader of the Deliverance Syndicate (a replacement for and improvement on Relief Society)
JaneAnnchovy, Gospel Doctrine Reconstruction Teacher and Choir member, as well as occasional soloist
Mavis, Alternate Choir Director
JulieAnn, Painter of Wooden Thingys
A suggestion was made by ME that the hymnal be revised and include "Come, Thou Fount of Every Blessing."
Having compiled this list of participants and callings, Bishop Aitch then outlined her vision for the ward. (Again, see the comments in the aforementioned previous entry for a full report.)
It was decided that all callings shall be the choice of the individual. Furthermore, any callings not filled would be considered redundant until such time as someone chooses to perform said redundancy. The one exception is Ward Clerk. A search committee was considered but then dismissed and, unless someone steps forward, Bishop Aitch will just pick someone.
It was also decided that Visiting Teaching would be a group activity and would be done in a single night called "Ward Meeting Get Together." All required meetings would be held at once and with rapid results. Dinner and a movie will follow and conclude all get-togethers.
Further, tithing will support charitable events and will be high profile. Funds raised from childcare will subsidize the upkeep of churches. Intellectual pursuit will be rewarded. Doctrine and history will be redefined and discussed with honesty. Bishop Aitch stressed that whitewashing is prohibited.
As the most significant order of business, the Bishop reported that the ward will play an active role in reparations to Native Americans, "including, but not limited to, apologizing for taking the youth off the reservation and stripping them of culture, language, rituals and identity."
Finally, the first Sunday of every month--which has heretofore been characterized by fasting and blathering--shall be a "Fast and Testimony Picnic." Again, to quote Bishop Aitch: "Food will be served fast and testimony will be spontaneous by having people contribute one sentence to the collective testimony. Extra points are awarded for creative testimony involving singing or costume change or delivered by 'charade' method."
The next meeting will be held whenever we feel like it.
Having no further business, no objections, and no additional suggestions, the meeting was adjourned at 10:05 AM. Please note: Adjournment of the meeting does not imply business, objections, or suggestions can not be made. Please note further that the floor remains open at all times for participants to designate callings of their choosing.
Submitted this 16th day of January in the 15th year of the Holy Damned Cat, 2007.
Signed and Respectfully Submitted,
The Holy Goat