Honestly?! Who writes these questions? You know the ones I'm talking about? The ones on the Profile page of your Blogger account.
For example: What was the stage name of your favorite actress before she was born?
How the hell should I know?! She hasn't been born yet and doesn't even know she's going to be a stage actress, so how can she have a stage name?
Now this is a reasonable question: You've just inherited a manufacturing plant that specializes in plastics. What are you going to make?
Duh! Big Wheels for grown-ups, of course!
Then there are ones that are just downright corny: When your science teacher smashed a frozen rose with a hammer, did you warm the petals to bring them back to life?
Yes. Yes, I did. And then I gave them to my love... Bleh. Seriously?! Sounds like the beginning of a really schmoopy, schmarmy Hallmark card.
And then they're stupid again (unless you like Dr. Seuss, which I do, so this one isn't that implausible): Well, maybe they don't need them, but don't you think that some fish might like a bicycle?
If they're in an aforementioned Seuss book or a Star Wars movie, perhaps. Otherwise, no. What do fish know from bicycles?!
This question baffles me. It assumes I think my toes are gone, but it also seems to involve someone taking my shoes off of me, which would only happen in the most amorous of circumstances or in an emergency room situation. So where does a question like this originate: The first time you had your shoes taken off--how surprised were you to see that you still had toes?
I'm not even answering that one, it's that stupid.
This is the kind of stuff that keeps me up at night, people! And why? Why can't I land a job at a place like Google/Blogger where all I have to do is make up stupid shit like this and get paid for it?
My question: If there's an elephant at your holiday party, do you offer it a bran muffin?
My answer: Who the hell serves bran muffins at a holiday party?!
See? I'd never be successful at this job.