Friday, March 14, 2008

Recent Keyword Activity

My friend Merujo over at Church of the Big Sky does this on occasion. She goes into her StatCounter account and reviews recent keywords that led people to her blog. Having nothing to do tonight but take pictures of the fire crews putting out a fire in a home a block over from my home, I thought I’d do this, too.

To the individual in Regina, Saskatchewan who googled “Ken Follett Sex Scene”, I’m afraid you won’t find those here. Granted, Ken Follett does write an intense, steamy sex scene or two in all of his books, but he usually writes them in his books and not on the random blogs of people he probably wouldn’t even nod at on the street. Interestingly, your search led you to this blog entry wherein I was writing about the gift of imagination and wonder that comes from reading children's books. How “Ken Follett Sex Scene” led you to that, I have no idea, but good luck!

Meanwhile, over in Brisbane, Australia, someone must have recently taken a nasty tumble down some stairs because they googled the phrase “falling down the stairs bruise” and ended up here. Somehow, my footnote about falling down the stairs in December was of interest. Well mate, I hope your fall wasn’t as nasty and you’re on the mend. Thanks for stopping by!

Someone in Avalon, New Jersey, has a “painful knuckle,” which I’m sure is not pleasant. I’m not sure how painful knuckles and hiccups go together, but again whatever.

Out in Los Angeles, California, someone wants to know “will driving bruise the inside of my middle toe”? I don’t know and I know you won’t find the answer here. (Their search led them to the same entry as the person in Brisbane falling down the stairs turned up.) If your driving is causing bruises on the inside of your middle toe, my suggestion would be to call a podiatrist. Or, if you're too cheap to do that, I'd suggest trimming your toenails. Maybe buying a shoe that fits and lets your toes move and flex? But hey, what do I know?

Now here’s a question I can answer definitively. A reader in Virginia Beach, Virginia, wants to know, “does Charmin use virgin tree pulp”? The answer is “Yes” and lots of it. And they source most of their fiber—or they were several years ago. Maybe they’ve finally caved to the demands of the environmentalists—from forests of high-conservation value. Personally, dear reader in Virginia Beach and all readers everywhere, unless you have a note from your doctor, I don’t think anyone should be using Charmin. It’s a waste and overindulgence of tree fiber. No one needs that much loving kindness on their fanny, trust me. (Side note to everyone else: this search just led to my blog in general. Nothing specific. Odd.)

Heading back out to the Left Coast, another Angeleno googled this: “how passive-aggressive men fare during mid-life crisis.” Again, a question I can answer and that answer would be: not well. Particularly if they're in the company of a woman who has finally seen the light and is fed up with their man's PA crap. That PA man in mid-life crisis is about to find himself confused and on the outs and he'll be too dumb to figure out why. (For what it's worth, I just googled that phrase myself, just to see where it would lead. I don’t know how it led L.A. guy/gal to my blog, but there were certainly plenty of other sites and blogs one could visit by using those search terms.)

There you have it. Not very exciting, but certainly mind-boggling. Oh, I almost forgot. Someone in Sheffield, England, ended up on my blog because they asked googled, “What is being done to help Tewkesbury?” Is there someone who’s suppose to be helping me and I didn’t get the memo? If that someone has the winning lottery numbers, my number is 202.555.1234 or you can just email them to me here. I’ll make sure you get 10%.


Di said...

Wow, you've found one of the rare usages where "fanny" can actually serve both its transatlantic purposes. Tee hee.

So we should kick the Charmin habit, eh? We'll take that under advisement.

We were watching something on the Beeb the other day and they were in the town of Tewkesbury protesting the closing of the Post Office there or something. You can keep up on the Chronicles of Tewkesbury (UK) here:

j.m. tewkesbury said...

Ah. Well then, that would probably explain the "helping Tewkesbury" query. Darn. And I was hoping it was someone trying to find me and give me the winning lottery numbers! Poo. Foiled again.

Merujo said...

The all-time most popular search term that leads to my blog: boobs.

I'm so proud.

And now, back to the sofa and hot tea and temporary misery...

j.m. tewkesbury said...

Merujo: And well you should be!

Be well, my friend.

JulieAnn Henneman said...

Oh my GOD, I am SO going to do this with my keyword searches!! Mostly, I get sex's really gross. LOL

J.M. Tewkesbury said...

JulieAnn: Go for it! It's rather fun, though in my case, sort of dull. No one is looking for boobies on my blog.

Sister Mary Lisa said...

Hilarious! I love this post. Great searches, and your humor in answering their queries is perfect.

J.M. Tewkesbury said...

SML: Thank you! If you want to read really hilarious posts of this type, you should check out Merujo's site. She's got some doozies coming to her blog!