Monday, April 21, 2008

I'd Like to Stand On My Feet...

Updated on 04.25.08

Here's what we have so far from the first Fast & Testimony Picnic:

I'd like to remain sitting...or perhaps lazing on my back...and say that I don't Know anything. But I believe that friends and picnics are a good reason for life to be sweet. I do know that if it's too hot and humid, I'd rather have an indoor picnic. I would feel very ungrateful if I let today go by without publicly expressing how grateful I am for picnics...and really food in general. I don't know what I can say without getting way too sappy about it, but something about how true friends make life worth living. I would like to say, Thank you for this spread before us, for we are blessed with good friends and growing butt, and no one gives a damn beyond communing. Yada, yada, yada. Blah, blah, blah. As Choir Director it falls upon me to make sure we have many and assorted libations. Can I hear an AMEN? Any key will suffice. Webster's Dictionary defines the word "Whoa Nelly Furtado" as: an improvement on "Whoa Nelly" as in: "Whoa Nelly--where do you think you're going with that chocolate fondue? Park it here!" I would also be ungrateful if I didn't loll before you today and tell you how blessed we are to be in the Tewkesbury Ward. I know this ward is true and the picnics and the camaraderie are better here than in any other ward I've ever been in. I know beyond the shadow of a doubt that this picnic is true, and that the drinking is truly inspired. I promised myself I wouldn't do this, but--*sniff*--I want to thank all those who brought adult beverages, because you've made my calling truly rewarding. Can I stumble in late? As your... ummmm... I have forgotten my calling... Could that be because I am, apparently, habitually late and sick for all things Tewkesbury-Ward related? I think it was something like Deliverance Syndicate Leader??? Yeah! That's it. As your Deliverance Syndicate Leader, I would like to bare my testimony of the truthfulness of the principals taught here in the Tewkesbury Ward. And the picnics are the best ever! I know this with every fiber of my being.

Picnic food, thus far:

1 case of porsecco
Boxes of fudgesicles
Rhubarb-ginger tart with vanilla ice cream
Pistachio salad
Assorted libations
1 Grande Mocha Frappacino Light
Lentil, roasted red pepper and feta salad with lemon mint dressing
Granny's potato salad dressed up with spicy mustard and dill
More adult beverage
Cool Ranch Doritos
A pitcher of Pimm's
Funeral potatoes

There's still time to participate in the Fast & Testimony Picnic. To leave your sentence (or two or three) and what you're bringing to the picnic, please leave a comment here.


Anonymous said...

You people are so funny :) If it weren't midnight right now, I'd laugh, but I'm ao tired and numb and I can't feel my trachea.

Good night,


LG said...

I can't. Stop. Laughing.

Phoenix Touch said...

OMGoodness (Okay... I just had to use that because I saw that in some other blog that is owned by a highly religious person and they wanted to know that the "G" in OMG, for them, standed for "Goodness," not "God." Thus, they were saved from going to hell by taking God's name in vain...)

We are a funny bunch! Surely!

J.M. Tewkesbury said...

Phoebe: We are a pretty funny bunch. We're going to have to do this again in a few weeks.

LG: Are you still laughing?

Abgue: OMGoodness?! Seriously? That someone needs to get a life. Anyway--we are a funny bunch aren't we? I love all the people who come here! They make my heart sing. (Was that too over the top sappy? Maybe I should include that in the picnic.)

Phoenix Touch said...

They make my heart sing? THEY MAKE MY HEART SING?!?!?! OMG LMAO (or should that be L M Bum O??) Yes, Tewksey! That IS way over the top. I picture you standing straight and tall, heels together, toes turned outward in a perfect "first position ballerina stance" with your fingertips clasped together in front of your chest forming that perfect choir stance, one glistening tear trembling down your cheek... "They. Make. *sniff sniff* My Heart. *sniff* Sing."

I'm gonna laugh about this all day, I think.


j.m. tewkesbury said...

Abgue: I know. It was pretty over-the-top schmary, huh? High gag reflex quality in them thar sentiments! Sometimes I miss Blast and Fester-moany Meeting and then I'm able to mimic stuff like this and I think "Not!"

Happy Monday!