Omit Needless Words, Omit Needless Words, Omit Needless Words

Mont Blanc as Rothko : Photo copyright: Janet M Kincaid, 2/2013

Years ago, I was a prolific, verbose blogger. Long entries were my forté. With the adoption of the time suck known as Facebook, I found myself engaged in truncated prose.

Cleaning up this blog's side nav bars the other day, I clicked on every link I had for other blogs or sites I visited in my previous blog reading and writing days. I discovered several things: 1. Some blogs no longer exist; 2. Many bloggers, like myself, tapered off writing in 2009/2010; 3. Those who are still writing are writing lengthy pieces; and 4. I find my attention span for long pieces isn't what it once was.

What I'm wondering personally is, who's still blogging? Why? If you're no longer blogging or you blog in fits and starts, why? Is this medium no longer relevant as a conveyor of ideas and opinions?

Fun Stuff, Maynard!

Not a lot to say. I'm just gonna give you some links and say, "Have fun!" (Okay, I'll say a little. Read on.)

27b/6 - Brilliant email exchange between someone who wants something for nothing and someone who isn't willing to oblige. Thing is, I can't figure out if this is fact or fiction. Funny? Yes. True? Who knows, but I'm sure someone will dig deeper and let me know.

Are you familiar with Marmite? Nasty stuff. Totally an acquired taste. There's a new book out about it that sounds like fun, though. Check out The magic of Marmite, best digested in book form.

*****

As it is officially December, it's time for that odious of all Christmas songs, The Twelve Days of Christmas. Since 1984, PNC Wealth Management has been doing a breakdown of what it would cost if you actually followed the redundant admonitions of that song and bought everything on the list x 12. You can also read about it in the Washington Post. Here is "12 Days of Christmas" items would top 87k.

*****

Have you switched over to Blogger's new interface? I just did. What do you think? I wish there were more font options, because there are so many lovely fonts out there. I suppose I could add them to the HTML code by hand. Hm.

In that same vein, why are everyone else's comments showing up and being accounted for, but my buddy Gilahi's are not? Is it Gilahi or is it Blogger? These are the kinds of questions that keep me up at night, folks!

*****

Remember last week's Lost in Translation with the Transex transport company and Wankdorf City? Well, here's another anecdote. Saturday, before we left Basel, we went to the Christmas Market. In addition to the handcrafted trinkets and gifts you can find, there's also gluhwein and heisse Marroni to be had. One day, I'll write about the culinary yuck that are roasted chestnuts, but for today's purposes, I'm here to talk about the bag they came in.

We got 100 grams of the holiday nut. It came in a bag that said, "Das sin' d' Marroni vom Barfi!" Translation: "These are the chestnuts from Barfi!" Inspiring, no? Obviously the Family Barfi should consider a name change. If I can get a picture of the bag taken and processed in the next day or two, I'll post it here.

Meanwhile, that is all.

Various Different Things

At last! It's the end of November. I sort of managed to do NaBloPoMo. By sort of, I mean, I sometimes fudged and posted a day late, but back dated my posts.

In its entirety, this was not one of my better NBPM years. My entries were short and sort of mundane. By sort of, I mean, I wrote very little of substance or depth and one day I referred back to something I wrote two years ago.

It is fun to note, however, that my first entry began as a challenge from a colleague who wants to eradicate the use of acronymns and somehow I managed to use an acronym in nearly each post. I missed a few days here and there.

Anyway... Thanks for reading, all four of you faithful readers, you. If you were on Farmville, I'd gift you a lime tree.

*****

Speaking of the title, why do people use this word combination?

Various different things...

I hear this a lot lately and every time I do, it's everything I can do not to look at the person and say, "Are you always this redundant?"

var·i·ous

Pronunciation: \ˈver-ē-əs\

Function: adjective

Etymology: Middle English, probably from Medieval Latin *variosus, from Latin varius

Date: 15th century

1 archaic : variable, inconstant
2 : varicolored
3 a : of differing kinds : multifarious b : dissimilar in nature or form : unlike
4 : having a number of different aspects or characteristics
5 : of an indefinite number greater than one
6 : individual, separate

synonyms see different

— var·i·ous·ness noun 

dif·fer·ent

Pronunciation: \ˈdi-fərnt, ˈdi-f(ə-)rənt\

Function: adjective

Etymology: Middle English, from Latin different-, differens, present participle of differre

Date: 14th century

1 : partly or totally unlike in nature, form, or quality : dissimilar —often followed by from, than, or chiefly British to very different from the captain's tottery characters — R. L. Stevenson> Sir Winston Churchill>
2 : not the same: as a : distinct b : various c : another TV program>
3 : unusual, special

— dif·fer·ent·ness noun

Various and different are synonyms of each other. That means they're virtually the same word. That also means they're interchangeable. That doesn't mean they should be used together. Please stop.

Thank you.

That is all.

Photo source: Google Images.

Giving Up. Or, My Headlines Will Be Singular Again. EOM.

Yeah, I'm not really going to write about what's in my title. Let's just say the dual headlines are ending. They're too haaaaaaaard.

*****

I learned a great acronym the other day: EOM. I'd never seen this one before. In business email, I've seen COB, B2B, JIT, PoP, SIC, SWOT, VO, Yuppie, and Buppie, not to mention the alphabet soup that comes with working in Washington, D.C., or for an international organization.

And then there's all of the text messaging/SMS'ing shorthand: Whts YR 411?, RU there?, Mt @ mrkt tmrrw am?, and so on. Half the time, it takes me longer to figure out what the hell the person is trying to tell me in textspeak than it would have if they had just been less lazy and actually written it all out, thereby saving us all a lot of grief and headscratching. Pictograms, Pictionary, and personalized license plates are easier! But don't even get me started. Suffice to say, I'm one of the few people I know who uses capital letters, grammar, and full punctuation in my email and text messaging.

Anyway--back to EOM. As I said, I had never seen this one before. Ironically, it appeared in an email from my colleague whose purpose it is in life to eliminate the use of acronyms. When I saw it in the subject line of said email from her, I had to ask, "What is EOM?"

It's an acronym that you put at the end of an email subject line that stands for "End of Message." It means you're not going to write any text in the body of the email and the subject line is your message, full stop.

I did not know this.

Did you know this?

What are your favorite and least favorite acronyms? (And be sure to provide their meanings or I might have to show my stupidity and ask.)

Photo source: Simon Fraser University, School of Applied Sciences

Labels. Or How I Seem to Have Missed the Point of Effective Tagging.

Day Three and I'm still blogging. Hi. My name is Jay and I'm still blogging...

In pursuit of all things blogginess, I decided to glance through my labels for this blog. Having done that, I then decided to click on a few of them and read a bit of my past writing. Sometimes, that's a good idea and sometimes, it's not. But that's not my point. The point is, I decided to glance through my labels for this blog and I discovered that my labels are useless in a Google search. Then I decided that was okay, because for the most part some of my labels rock. They aren't as good as the labels my friend Mary Ellen writes, though. I think I may outsource my labeling to her.

Having reviewed my labels, I offer you this ginormous cloud with some of my favorite labels. (Totally egotistical and self-absorbed? Yes. Totally lazy and a lameass excuse for not writing more? Yes. Totally new twist on a meme? Sure.) Some of the writing is better than most. In fact, I have to say, I'm especially proud of my coverage of the 2008 Presidential Campaign and I love many of the pieces I wrote as a result of noodling my navel while commuting.

40x40… A Few Kind Words… Ach Du Lieber… All Things Apple… All Things Books and Music… All Things Food and Cooking… All Things Green… All Things Movies and TV… America the Beautiful… And So This Is Christmas… Around the House… Around Town… Being Annoyingly Proud of Myself… Blogging and In the BIN… BumbleBees… Can't Sleep Count Sheep… Confession is Good for the Soul… Consumerism-The Second Great American Pasttime… Contributing to the Greater Blogness… Creeping Self-Doubt… Crimes Against Humanity… DBC… Democracy and Politics… Destroying My Faith in Humanity… Dirty Bastard Cat… Do Unto Others… Eating-The Great American Pasttime… Elsewhere On the Map… Ensuring Domestic Tranquility… Equality is the American Way… Expanding My Ego... Facebook …Family and Friends… Family-You CAN Live without Them… Fellow Writers… Figuring Out How to Stay on this Bloody Rollercoaster… Following Up on an Excellent Point… Forward Motion… Frieda Belle Calico… Fuck Fuck Fuckity Fuck… Funny Ha Ha… Gainful Employment… Get Out the Vote… Getting Back on the Horse… Getting Dotty in my Dotage… Getting Personal… Grateful… Happy Hour… Having My Say… Help Wanted… Holding Patterns… Holly in My Heart… How Sweet It Is… I Am So Over This Already… In the Neighborhood… Inauguration… Inconsiderate Behavior Pisses Me Off… Introductions… Island Living… JibJab… Können Sie Deutsch? … Left Coast… Lest We Forget… Living in Europe… Logos… Making a Difference… McCain-Palin Watch 2008… Meeting New People is Neat… Meme… Musings On Sleepless Nights… My Favorite Things… NaBloPoMo… New and Improved or SSDD? … Noodle Noodling… Obama… Obamapalooza… Officially Approved Holiday Greetings… On the Road… One-upsmanship Always Finds a Way… Out in the Real World… Palin Watch 2012… Parle Vous What… Peeling Away the Layers… People Watching… Photo Friday… Photography… Places I've Been… Postcards… Presidential… Prop H8… Putting the Fun Back in Church… Rachel Maddow is Goddess… Random Nothingness… Ranting as Only I Can… Rated-G… Rated-PG… Rated-R… Reading StatCounter… Religion and Society… Remembering 9-11… Republicans… Rest in Peace… Restoring My Faith in Humanity… Robert Kirby Rocks… ROTFLMAO… Running Away… Saving the Tatas One Squishification At a Time… Send Bush-Cheney-Rumsfeld to the Hague… SFFH… Shooting Off My Camera… Sick and Wrong… Signs of Intelligent Life… Something for Everyone… Squeezing the Charmin… Starting Over---Again… Stop with the Hateful Rhetoric… Stroll Down Questionable Memory Lane… Stupid Tourists… Switzerland… TGIF… Seriously… The Gays… The Good Die Young… The Hamsters in My Head Are Unionizing… The Other Washington… Things That Make Me Peckish… Things that Make Me Peevish… Thoughts While I Commute… Too Much of a Good Thing… Travel… Traveling in the States… Trippy Dippy Family… Trying Not to be Miz-Ruh-Bull… Visiting the States… Viva la France… War Crimes… When Bloggers Meet… Where is the Rum? Why is the Rum Gone? … Whirled Peas… Wow… WTF?… Yes We Can… Yes We Can-Yes We Did-Yes We Will… You Had To Be There… YouTube…

The Fall

Photo copyright: D.C. Confidential

NBPM. Or, How I'm Getting Revenge for Being Bullied into Doing NaBloPoMo.

First off, let me say that today is November 1 and it's the beginning of that annual Internets literary event known as NaBloPoMo. NBPM use to mean you'd write one blog post every day during the month of November. Now it means you'll write a novel with a minimum of 10,000 words per day or some crazy thing like that. I'm going to attempt to do the former again. I am not doing the latter.

The only reason I am even doing the former this month is because A) my office mate bullied me into it, B) my blog is lame as toast and needs a boost, and C) over dinner last night with the same office mate, I declared that writing was one of the two things I like to do in my free time. (The other thing I do in my free time is photography, which I've also been lame about, but that's a different tangent.) What I should have said was cooking is my other favorite pasttime, but I was a doh-head and didn't. If I had, I wouldn't be doing this NBPM* thing.

That housekeeping item out of the way, let's get things started, shall we?

So...

Ah, hell. Forget it. After that anti-climactic intro, I'm going to table today's entry for tomorrow. The wisdom in that is A) I can say I wrote and posted something today and B) I'll have a blog entry for tomorrow by putting off what I was originally going to write today. Here, have a picture instead.

Fall Fireworks : Geneva, Switzerland

* Note to my office mate: My deliberate creation and use of an acronym is intentional, because I know it will drive you nuts and you are out to eradicate acronyms from the face of the planet. I thought I'd let you start here! I'm generous that way. xoxo

Questionably Lacking

Honestly?! Who writes these questions? You know the ones I'm talking about? The ones on the Profile page of your Blogger account.

For example: What was the stage name of your favorite actress before she was born?

How the hell should I know?! She hasn't been born yet and doesn't even know she's going to be a stage actress, so how can she have a stage name?

Now this is a reasonable question: You've just inherited a manufacturing plant that specializes in plastics. What are you going to make?

Duh! Big Wheels for grown-ups, of course!

Then there are ones that are just downright corny: When your science teacher smashed a frozen rose with a hammer, did you warm the petals to bring them back to life?

Yes. Yes, I did. And then I gave them to my love... Bleh. Seriously?! Sounds like the beginning of a really schmoopy, schmarmy Hallmark card.

And then they're stupid again (unless you like Dr. Seuss, which I do, so this one isn't that implausible): Well, maybe they don't need them, but don't you think that some fish might like a bicycle?

If they're in an aforementioned Seuss book or a Star Wars movie, perhaps. Otherwise, no. What do fish know from bicycles?!

This question baffles me. It assumes I think my toes are gone, but it also seems to involve someone taking my shoes off of me, which would only happen in the most amorous of circumstances or in an emergency room situation. So where does a question like this originate: The first time you had your shoes taken off--how surprised were you to see that you still had toes?

I'm not even answering that one, it's that stupid.

This is the kind of stuff that keeps me up at night, people! And why? Why can't I land a job at a place like Google/Blogger where all I have to do is make up stupid shit like this and get paid for it?

My question: If there's an elephant at your holiday party, do you offer it a bran muffin?

My answer: Who the hell serves bran muffins at a holiday party?!

See? I'd never be successful at this job.

When Bloggers Meet...

I love when bloggers meet. Some of the coolest, smartest, funnest people I've met in the last 10 years or so have been a result of some kind of interweb interaction. Back when I was in grad school, it was an email list that eventually resulted in the creation of the Scary Feminists from Hell--the finest group of women and friends a girl could ever ask for.

Since diving into the world of blogging, I've gone to a few blogger meet-ups, but none as superior as the one I attended on Friday evening. Some of the folks I met, I've been reading for a while. Others are new to me, but we were all brought together by the fabulous Lacochran. She assembled a fine group of D.C.-area bloggers and a grand time was had by all. If you're looking for new, excellent reading material, please read these blogs (I promise, you won't be disappointed.)

A Daily Dose of Zen Sarcasm!*
Charlotte Harris
Culinary Couture
The Gilahi Blog
"It's Toasted"
Live It, Love It
The Restaurant Refugee**
Sean's Ramblings
Urban Bohemian
(That's Why) The Lady Is a Tramp
Who Invented Roses

Nice meeting everyone! Let's get together again soon.


* Whom I've met previously at another blogger meet-up. (And this time we found out we have a mutual connection: Madame Meow's mother and I went to the same graduate school!) Great seeing you again, Madame!

** Turns out RR lives in my neighborhood! Or rather, I live in his.

Pink is the Color of My... *

...MY BASEBALL MITT?! Seriously?!?!

*****

I should back up a bit. The question is, how far?

A week or more ago, the glorious, gregarious, adorable Gunfighter asked us, his loyal groupies, if we would be interested in guest blogging whilst he's off sunning in Fay-soaked Florida. Having absolutely nothing better to do with myself and having an abundance of material for my own blogs--plural, not singular--I said yes.**

And the moment I agreed to share my wit and wisdom,*** I immediately ended up with a severe case of blogger's block.

Until this evening, that is.

This evening featured me meeting an adorable little girl in my neighborhood named Lucy and a pair of pink crocs.

And that's when I found my voice again.

You see, pink has me seeing red!

*****

I want to like Crocs. Really, I do.
But truthfully, I have a hard time taking anyone seriously who's wearing them.
Especially people who wear them with socks.
But I'm digressing.

*****

I should probably state out the gate that I don't have kids. I'm one of those childless people. Mostly by choice. But I love kids and little girls are "sugar and spice and very thing nice" and little boys are just heart stealers.

There are trade-offs with not having kids. You grow selfish and soft sans kids. Other people's kids who aren't being sugary and spicy and making you swoon are petulant and annoying and you just want them to go away. On the other hand, if I had kids, I'd know all the joys my friends and fellow bloggers describe about watching their wee ones grow and develop and become their own little personalities.

Having said all that, it's probably a damn good thing I'm not a parent and especially not of little girls, because this ramped-up business of objectifying the sexes based on a color palette sets my jaw askew and finds me rolling my eyes and sighing.

Surely by now we've outgrown the whole "pink is for girls, blue is for boys" nonsense. And yet, alas and alack, I fear not.

*****

Pink beach toys?! Seriously?!
What's wrong with a little yellow bucket?
Little yellow buckets are synonymous with the beach and sun and fun.
But pink? Pink implies squealing, delicate children who squirm
at the feel of sand and run from those little crabs
that make tent-pole-sized holes all over the Outer Banks.
Pink at the beach: wrong, wrong, wrong.

*****

Imagine this scene.

Target--the hippest, bestest big box retailer EVER.

I'm walking down a main aisle zipping past the Xboxes, digital cameras, scented candles, Post-it notes, box fans, luggage sets, and made-in-China shelving units when suddenly, I am visually assaulted by a sea of pink.

Pink bike helmets... Meh.

Pink swim goggles... Oy.

Pink tennis racquets and tennis balls... No!

Pink baseball mitts and softballs...

And that's the straw that breaks this camel's back.

This is wrong on so many levels, I can barely speak. Gaping like a fish out of water and pointing like a prehistoric, preverbal woman, my partner, in an effort to explain and comfort me, says, "Oh yeah. It's a marketing gimmick. I read about it in Runner's World several years ago. Some marketing genius decided to take men's products and 'pink it and shrink it' to boost sales."

As I continue gaping like the aforementioned fish unable to sufficiently express my horror, she concludes, "Yeah, it offends me, too."

*****

I can't even begin to articulate how wrong I find this. Even wronger/more wrong that the pink beach kit or the pink crocs or just pink as a delimiter of gender identity in general. This pinkification? This is more than I can bear.

*****

If I had girls, I would officially be a bad mother because I would absolutely refuse to give my daughter a PINK baseball mitt.

Mine was rawhide brown and that's how it should be, regardless of gender. Pink embodies softness and crying and, as the famous line goes, "There's no crying in baseball."

Baseball is not a sport for softness. Baseball--and its kin-sport, softball--are tough, dirty, aggressive sports. Pink is not tough, not dirty, and not aggressive. Pink is silly. And as girls we have enough hurdles to overcome without staying stuck in silly.

*****

Which would you rather? Brum? Or the Pink Free Style Speedster? Okay, okay. I'll concede on this one. That pink speedster is pretty darn cute. I'd get that for a girl. But I still draw the line: NO PINK BASEBALL MITTS!

*****

I'm not totally opposed to pink as a color. It's a lovely color. In moderation.

One of my favorite Brooks Brothers shirts is a pink window pane with French cuffs. It's very feminine in a rather dashing sort of way. It's a core component in my dapper dyke look. But it's one of only three pink shirts in my entire repertoire of Brooks Brothers shirts. Blue is the main staple in my collection, because it makes my eyes pop, garnering me lots of compliments.

More importantly, pink is a very significant and meaningful color for Breast Cancer Awareness--a cause dear to me because I've had several friends now who have battled this disease and because I believe in breast checks and regular exams. In this case, pink is very, very good.

But saturating the market with pink as a marketing ploy? The pinkification of consumer products for girls?

Well, that's just demeaning and patronizing. At this rate, the next trend will be issuing tools for our professional trades in pink. I'm not sure how seriously I'd take a woman behind a pink computer or a cop with pink pistol or a doctor with a pink stethoscope (unless she was my kids pediatrician but even then...) No, no, no.

Who knows. Maybe I'll get over it. Maybe I'm making more out of this than should be made. Maybe.

But I'm standing my ground on the baseball mitt.

*****

Check 'em early and check 'em often, ladies.
But please, please, please, for the love of all that is holy, chuck that pink baseball mitt!

*****


* This entry originally appeared on 08.22.08 as a guest post at the blog Gunfighter: A Modern Warrior's Life. I confess, I like to keep my writing in one place, so I'm cross posting it here for archival purposes more than anything. Gunny, thanks for the opportunity to guest blog while you were on vacation! I thoroughly enjoyed it.

** For those who don't know me, that's a healthy dose of sarcasm going on there.

*** Ibid.

Today's Post...

Brought to you by the letter G, the number five, and the color pink.

I'm making my debut appearance as guest blogger over at the fabulous Gunfighter's locale. Check out my post with five pictures about things in pink.

Thanks, Gunny, for the opp!

*****

Getting back on track with Photo Friday, this week's photo is one I took last night on my way home from Krispy Kreme down in Alexandria on Route 1. I decided to take the George Washington Memorial Parkway back to D.C. and en route passed Gravelly Point just south of National Airport.

Nighttime landing : Washington National Airport

Here, for your viewing pleasure, is a landing sequence. I think I'm going back tonight before it gets pitch dark and try again.

Happy (Photo) Friday everyone!

Photo copyright: D.C. Confidential

Don't Tell My Parents, But I'm Really a Boy!

Thank God for the Internets. Without them, we'd all wander in a reality of confusion and discord. Thankfully, there's the Gender Genie. According to its algorithm, my writing indicates I'm male.

I copied some text from this blog entry into their nifty, spiffy genie and this is what I got back:


Thinking there was/is a glitch in the algorithm--but what do I know from algorithms? Zilch. Nada. Zip. I suck at math and stuff like this in general--I tried it again with this entry.

This is what I got back. (Click on image to enlarge. Frankly, I don't know why this screen shot turned out smaller than the one above. Could this be GGD? Gender Genie Discrimination?)


Now I'm a female.

Conclusion: My writing is androgynous, ergo I am androgynous. Either that, or the Gender Genie is sexist.

When Bloggers Meet...

...One of 'Em is Bound to Get Their Skull Cropped Off

Darn it all!

But wait, I'm jumping ahead of myself.

One of the things I love about blogging is the same thing I loved about being a part of an email group I participated in while I was in grad school: it affords you the opportunity to read some great writing (or, in the case of the email group, have some great discussions) and, if you're particularly lucky, meet some really groovy people.

Today was an exceptional day. I got to meet Alice, the Dormouse, the Caterpillar, and Lucy from Alice's Adventures Underground and It's Hard to Be Perfect. I missed out on meeting Alice's hubby, the King of Hearts. Apparently, he teaches kendo--Japanese sword fighting--to church ladies on Thursdays. (No joke there.) Alice's mother, Lucy, is visiting this month and they called me today and invited me out to dinner. I was so excited, I was like a kid at Christmas. I kept looking at the clock willing it to be 5:00, but just like those yuletide eves of long ago, the damn thing was slower than molasses.

Regardless, off I toodled to Five Guys & Fries in Silver Spring where I met up with the Underground Gang. And may I just say, I met one of the funniest, most delightful, adorable group of gals outside of the Scary Feminists ever? The Dormouse and I became fast friends, which isn't that unusual for me and little kids. I have this aura or some weird something about me that makes me get along really well with little kids and small animals--cats not included--and the Dormouse and I were clickin'.

The Dormouse, posing for a photo that I'm now blogging about

I'm not sure what was the funniest part of the evening. Having the Dormouse climb into my lap, then recline across my body, resting her head on my arm, thereby turning me into her own personal sofa? Having the Dormouse hop up on a short retaining wall outside the restaurant, pose and say, "Someone take a picture and blog about it!" Or, having her lean into me as we were all saying goodbye and exclaiming, "Take me with you!"

And then there was the Caterpillar. Alice isn't joking when she says that child will stand on anything and is the squirmiest baby! That wee one never sat still, but part of what made her squirminess so much fun was how alert and aware she was of her surroundings and people. Oh, and of course, her totally heart-melting smile, which never seemed to leave her face.

Lucy and Alice and I swapped stories about missions and work and places we've lived and whether or not we should have a Fast & Testimony Picnic (yes, and soon.) Then we posed for pictures under the sign at Five Guys that says "Today's Fries Are Made With Potatoes From RIGBY, IDAHO" because Lucy is originally from Rigby, and then it was time to say goodbye. We bundled up (despite the beautiful weather today, it was incredibly windy and a bit nippy) and headed out the door.

That's when I took this picture (see below), which, I'm horrified to observe, cut the head off of Lucy! It was so cold and windy out, I didn't want to keep the Undergrounds posing while I took shot after shot. And the results are tragic. So, note to Lucy: I'm sorry I cut your head off. I didn't notice when I took the picture, or I would have taken a second one.

L to R: Lucy, the Dormouse, Alice, and the Caterpillar.
Contrary to the appearance in this picture, Lucy does have a full head.
In fact, you can see it in the shadow behind her.
Sorry Lucy! So much for my photography skills...

As we parted ways, we all agreed on one thing: we absolutely must get together again! To all the Undergrounds: thank you for a delightful couple of hours. I had the best time and I hope we hook up again very soon!

P.S. NG: I just realized I left you to bus the table when I ran out to the car to get my camera. I'm so sorry about that! Ugh. How embarrassing...

Things You'll Never See on a Bumper Sticker or T-Shirt

There was a time
when I could cough
without farting...

Sometimes,
when I laugh too hard,
I pee a little in my pants...

The Accidental Snot Bubble:
Oh So Sexy!
And Not Just for Toddlers Anymore!!

Prevent Nausea:
Eat More Bananas!

If I bitch and moan
one more time
about how crappy I feel
I'm going to shoot me...

Daylight Saving Time:
Further evidence the government is in control

If you could write a t-shirt or bumper sticker, what would it say?

Not in the 95th Percentile

I'm just not sure what to think of this. Here I thought I was writing an intelligent blog, but it would appear that you need little more than an elementary school education to read what I write here. I don't know whether to be gratified that my blog can be read by the least among us or if I should be upset that this is further evidence I'm sliding into the abyss of the dumbing down of America...

Movie Reviews

Best of 2007? Perhaps... Not...

I snagged this from a friend. Unoriginal, I know, but I wanted to see what would turn up if I did this one. The rules are pretty basic. Take the first line of the first post from every month in 2007 and play the game.

Since I started this blog in August, I'm going to go back and pull material from my previous blog to cover the first half of the year. Here goes...

January
I have stacks of books sitting in my office, on my nightstands, and in my bookcase that I am bound and determined--i.e. resolute--to read this year.

February
Note: I had two first entries this month on the same day.

I'm still trying to figure out what day of the week should be In the BIN Day.

Today's edition of People Watch is brought to you by the Metropolitan Area Transportation Authority, the letter S, and the number 6.

March
Every evening, as I walk out of the office building in which I work and into the bowels of the nearest Metro Station, I pass a man sitting on a bench.

April
I've started commuting to work via car.

May
Lame.

June
If you didn't read my original post on bullying, go here.

July
That's what I paid the HVAC guy to come out and service the air conditioner, because I thought that was the source of the smell in my house.

August
Another postcard arrived today.

Then in mid-August, I started a new blog. This blog, in fact. And here's the first entry.

Welcome to my new blog!

September
The first post in September featured two entries, too.

This postcard comes to the Chronicles of Tewkesbury by way of Cele, who wisely lives on the Oregon Coast.

This postcard arrived about a week ago from someone who had been to Utah for an event hosted by Orrin Hatch, Utah's senior U.S. senator.

October
It's fall, which means the humidity has disappeared, the temperatures are comfortable, and I like to open the windows and let in the fresh air.

November
I took a walk in the rain one day on the wrong side of the tracks...

December
Do not run out and buy this Christmas album.


Hm. Not sure what to make of all this. I think I'm going to have to try a little harder in 2008 to write material at the first of the month that is far deeper and wittier and pithier than what I drummed out this year.

What Inspires Me

DC Blogs is holding its first annual photo contest. The theme is "What Inspires Me."

A week or so ago, I asked my readers to vote on four pictures I couldn't narrow down. The winners were my early morning picture of the statue of Lincoln at the Lincoln Memorial and a lotus flower in full bloom with a hovering bumblebee that I took at the Kenilworth Aquatic Gardens this summer.

Lincoln Memorial at Sunrise

As a toddler, my parents lived in the D.C. area for a couple of years before decamping back to the Mountain West for 20 years. Some of my earliest and most vivid memories are of the Lincoln Memorial. It's Parthenon-like qualities inspire reverence and awe in me. Add to that the legend of Abraham Lincoln, and I am moved every time I visit this memorial to America's 16th president. At a time when our nation was shattered and divided, Lincoln--with quiet grace and dignity, but with firmness and resolve--sought to end the conflict between our states and reunite its people. The sad history of Lincoln is his death. Had he lived longer and overseen Reconstruction in the South, what kind of nation would we live in now? And what lessons are today's leaders missing that they could have garnered from Lincoln's simplicity and humility? When I find myself frustrated by the direction our nation is headed, I turn to Lincoln for solace and the hope that once again we can rise above our arrogance and be people of unity and peace.

Lotus and Bumblebee, Kenilworth Aquatic Gardens

Having grown up in naturally beautiful surroundings--the high mountains of the Wasatch Range, the plains of Wyoming, and coastal California--I'm always on the look out for beauty in nature. It's not hard to find, but sometimes it's hard to capture adequately and with any kind of justice to the creator of such beauty. That's why when I captured this image, I was jazzed! Nature always leaves me awestruck--especially when it is powerful and evocative. When I look at this picture, I feel like perhaps, just maybe, I can accomplish anything. I also believe that, if there is some Great Divine Something, s/he was generous and let each of us play a part in creating the elements that contribute to the beauty in our world. It's an odd philosophy, I know, but what nature ultimately inspires in me is the belief that creativity lies within each of us. If I had a pad of paper and crayons on the day the earth was created, I'd like to think I contributed something beautiful like this!

Photo copyright: D.C. Confidential

Substance Lacking Here

I'm a shallow person--it's true--and I take my shallowness very seriously. Frankly, it's of deep concern to me. Know what else is of deep concern? This whole NaBloPoMo thing. You see, it's sapping my substance--what little I have.

When I post infrequently, I tend to come up with material that's a little meatier and woman-on-the-street. When I post daily, I'm constantly digging for stuff or phoning it in.

I mentioned stockpiling a couple of weeks ago, and while it's a good idea, it's also a lot of work, particularly if you want to be timely and relevant.

The other challenge I have--and I've had this from the very beginning of my blogging days--is, I don't have a specific theme for my blog. I'm not a forum. I don't have a focus. I'm not championing a cause or rallying 'round a flag pole. I'm not passionate about an issue. I'm just writing.

The thing is, I could rally and champion. I have a lot I believe in. For example, here's just a small list of some of the things upon which I could strictly focus:

• Women's rights
• Mormonism and its impact on individuals, community, and society-at-large
  
• Religion and Society
• Gay rights
• Fairness in employment practices
• The erosion of democracy in America
• Recycling and the environment
• Education and the influx of technology on learning
• Ending the war in Iraq/Peace on earth
• Impeaching George Bush and his evil Dick*
  

All good topics, but they each focus on only one of many things I'm interested in and they each only appeal to a subset of people. (By the way--I have a blister on the roof of my mouth from drinking my hot chocolate at a temperature that could only result in this affliction and it hurts, damn it all. See what I mean? Shallow. And easily distracted.)

****

Life could be changing in these parts right after Thanksgiving. I passed the woman selling newspapers at the intersection of Massachusetts and 9th again this morning and thought to myself, I really must stop and talk to her one morning. Perhaps next week...

I greeted Jeremy again the other morning, as I do most every morning. I must remember on Monday to tell him what a lovely smile he has. It's such a pleasure to say hello to him on the mornings he works in the parking garage of the building where I work. I hope he goes to college. I rarely sense things about people, but I sense good things about him and what he has to offer. If I won the lottery tonight, I'd offer him a scholarship.

****

Thanksgiving was yesterday and I'm trying to be grateful. Not that I don't have things for which to be grateful, mind you. It's just that this has been quite a year and I'm not sure what to give thanks for aside from the obvious stuff. A friend of mine wrote about dreams the other day and I've been thinking about that ever since. What they were, which ones I've attained and which ones I haven't. Why I have. Or haven't. Whether I still believe I have dreams and whether I still believe in my dreams. And what it is that's keeping me from following my dreams.

For someone who's so damn shallow, that's a lot of deep thinking going on there. I'll let you know how deeply I plumb...

****

Another friend of mine recently wrote this: The destruction of my despair is all too familiar, and made mundane by its repetitiveness.

Despite being shallow, this line has stuck with me for the last several days. It is the idea of repetitiveness resulting in the mundane that unnerves me. The idea that somewhere I've reached a point where settling for less than what I know I can achieve is somehow the norm.

Does our despair become mundane because we finally realize and--horrors!--accept that humanity is a letdown and our place in it is less meaningful than we were originally led to believe? Or, have we allowed situations or others to stand in the way of who we are, what we can be, and what we were meant to do?

Where--or maybe when, more appropriately--is it in life that we go from being carefree to being bitter? I told a friend the other day, I miss the come-what-may me. Now I'm just Ms. Crabby Pants.

What I do know definitively is, the repetitiveness, the mundaneness, the quiet, confusing, what-next despair is exhausting. I'm tired. I want to dream again.

More than that, I want my dreams to become repetitive realities of bliss.


* Kudos to my friend, Phoebe, for that line.

HELP!

So, I'm entering a local photography contest and I'm only allowed two submissions. Unfortunately, I can't decide which two pictures to submit. Out of the more than 700 photos I've taken in the last six months, these four are my favorite, but I can't decide which two I like the very best because I'm too close to them to be objective. This is where you come in. Please vote for your two favorite by leaving a comment or e-mailing me here. The pictures that garner the two highest votes will be the ones I submit. Your assistance is appreciated!

To view larger images, click on the picture.





Basilica of the National Shrine of the Immaculate Conception (or click here and see the last picture)










Lotus flower at the Kenilworth Aquatic Gardens (or here and see the last picture)






Lincoln at Sunrise (or here)







Widewater Gap on the C&O Canal Towpath near Great Falls (or here and see the second picture)





Let the voting begin! Vote early and vote often. And thank you for voting.

Lame, I Know

Okay, I know it's lame to point out when I'm mentioned on DC Blogs. It smacks of blatant self-indulgence and maybe even a smackerel of insecurity. Whatever. I'm having a happy moment today because one of my pictures from my photo blog is being used as the banner photo on DC Blogs! Yeah photo! See. Looky!



P.S. My friend, Tickle the Pear, was with me the day I took this picture.

Noted

Seems yesterday's post on Guy Fawkes was noted on DC Blogs in this morning. Cool. Thanks, King of Bad!

Now I've got to do a better job of being a contributor...